Living for other people + Toxic relationships
Hey hey hope you're having a wonderful weekend! Today I wanted to write about life beyond toxic relationships and how they can harm your mental health in more ways than you know. The bravery to bare your soul and find your inner power is not an easy thing to do, yet something you consciously and courageously do every time you read these posts. So thankyou!
For many years of my life i lived solely for the approval of other people, which circled back to validation and fear. In retrospect, so many of the things i would do were just because people were looking or convinced me i would be happier for it. There are people who will try and walk into your life with stringent standards on who they want you to be, and what you can provide for them. Most of the time we can see right through their insincerity, but are we really listening? A conversation about how you feel isn't supposed to end in an argument. People like this will make you convince yourself you're the problem, toxic relationships will make you feel so entangled and lost. Naively, I thought that's just what life was and it was okay. But right on the heels of that feeling, i knew there was an abundance of self-belief to be found. This epiphany shifted my paradigm of friendship and engendered confidence, and you deserve this too. Being a people pleaser, or letting others walk all over your unique qualities that should be celebrated only leaves you feeling smaller.
"If i had always been nice and lovey, i wouldn't be here living wildly and unapologetically becoming the woman i was supposed to be" - Medha Sharma
If you are holding onto somebody or a relationship with white knuckle grip right now, you are free to let go. You aren't a horrible person for it, you aren't selfish and most importantly you are everything more than that person will ever see you as. Closure from toxic relationships is a slow, incremental process that can surface a raft of emotions. Being around these people will show you who the right ones are. Even today i still crave the gratification of making others and by extension, myself happy. However, I've learnt that not everyone has access to me, and reciprocal relationships are the most precious thing to find.
Friends that make you feel easy to love, safe to share, inspire a worldly attitude, free to bring your dreams into fruition are the ones who you can squeeze tightly.
Feeling it all with you,
Love Jess xx